just a spoonful of sugar

“You have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyonce.”

Maybe if I keep telling myself that over and over and over again it will be true. As of right now, I most definitely do not feel like I have the same amount of hours in a day as Queen Bey. I am so incredibly busy, it’s gross. & as of next week i will be even more busy! So friends, family, anyone on this planet…if you don’t hear from me in the next couple months, don’t panic. I’m not dead…yet. However, it could be the next closest thing. I have been cast in a musical!! I am excited to announce that i will be playing Shy in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas at Saddleback College! I can truly say that I have missed being involved in musical theatre. It is so fun, and such an awesome experience. At least in all the shows I have done in the past, the cast becomes like family. I’m anxious to start rehearsing, and kind of nervous because I do not know I soul in this cast. I mean I met a majority of them at auditions, but that doesn’t mean that  I really know them, or that they will like me, or that I will make friends. It’s like the first day of school all over again! I’m getting butterflies just thinking about it.

I have come to realize a lot of things in the past week or so. For one, I have learned to appreciate the small things, the things that would go unnoticed. Because in the long run, those are the things that are most precious. I think that my boys helped me to come to understand this. The funny thing is that they have no clue that they even did. Lets be honest, they probably wouldn’t really even understand what i mean by saying all this. In short, I am thankful for them, they’re awesome kids.

Today in my yoga practice we studied in detail Patanjali’s Eight Limbed Path, in essence, the journey to enlightenment. Something that really resonated with me was the sub-limb Ahimsa, which is part of Yamas. Ahimsa is the first step of the eight limbed path toward reaching Samadi, which is described as enlightenment, pure bliss, oneness with the divine & the finding of truth. Ahimsa can be described as nonviolence, love and compassion for all living things and one’s self. I found that to be simply beautiful. But I think what really stayed with me the most was when we discussed ways to achieve and master Ahimsa. “One must free one’s self from desire, desire leads to suffering.” At first when I heard this it didn’t make much sense to me, I sat in practice thinking to myself what is the difference between desires and ambitions? I even asked my instructor, who of course wants me to discover the meaning of that on my own & what  it means to me personally. I haven’t been meditating on this for too long, only a few hours or so. But i have come to realize that part of this has to do with having expectations. While certain expectations are..well..expected. Others are desires…which can lead to that place of suffering and take one away from that place of nonviolence. I have also come to realize that i do that..a lot. I create desires, expectations, only to be disappointed by the outcome because it is not exactly what i expected it to be. These thoughts, these desires, as lovely as they seem at the time are violent thoughts. These thoughts are the root of fear and suffering. So it is time to reevaluate, I have started asking myself, “are my thoughts loving and compassionate for all living things and for me?” Because if they are not, i need to let them go. Simple as that.

So it seems as if I am officially embarking on my journey towards Samadi…namaste.

Besos, Alex